every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Randomize
