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• (732): View more from New Jersey

  i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.

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• (516): View more from New York

  That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.

  (1-516): View more from New York

  yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.

  (516): View more from New York

  Do you have to put it that way?

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• (716): View more from New York

  its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose

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• (978): View more from Massachusetts

  I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close

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• (763): View more from Minnesota

  I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me

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• (208): View more from Idaho

  Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.

  Fav 7 2092 928

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• (585): View more from New York

  Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.

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• (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.

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• (647): View more from Ontario

  Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.

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• (845): View more from New York

  i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend

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• (702): View more from Nevada

  He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?

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• (818): View more from California

  xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls

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• (801): View more from Utah

  Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.

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• (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire

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• (256): View more from Alabama

  i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out

  Fav 3 66 19

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