I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
