it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Randomize
