Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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