I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
