so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
