4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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