Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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