I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
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