my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
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