I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
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