He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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