Already got asked if we're dating
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
His nipple licking is glorious
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