Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Randomize
