How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
