She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
