Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Randomize
