Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
