is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
