bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
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