dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Randomize
