Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
