Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
i love accidental penises.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
a search helicopter?!
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Randomize
