So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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