Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Randomize
