We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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