I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Randomize
