Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
