worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
