You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
