If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
