a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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