i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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