Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
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