If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
