This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
