You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
