dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
