Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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