K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Your dad touched me again.
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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