So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
