i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
You're like the curious george of whores
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
