Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
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