no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
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