i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
