quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
