wanna go halves on a baby?
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
