Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
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