I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Randomize
